Litost

Litost

There are days when I wake up in a coffin of books
whose pages are all empty and
my pockets are full of blue pens with no ink.

On those days, the libricidal fire of Hrabel’s furnace
sparks and roars;
one wrong step and it will swallow me up.

I find myself on the Charles Bridge
staring longingly into open windows.

Oh, to be Xavier!
Slipping in and out of dimly-lit dreams,
sleeping as if living and living as if dreaming.

But I fear that once I close my eyes,
I can never return,
so instead I make my way to Wenceslas, where Palach fell,
and stand there for a while with a Starbucks cup in hand,
a fascicle of myself.

Anger quakes through me.
How weak I am!
Pens are snapped,
pages upon pages ripped out of notebooks, still burning,
I curse and spit, revert to passive voice,
communicate only through hand-signs.

Those days do get better, though.
After a time, my faithful feet always begin to move and escape to a cafe,
and out of a cup of coffee and a chocolate croissant
a few paragraphs are born.

I imagine the walls of the cafe lined with poets past.
Why, they chant in unison.
On a page of my notebook I scribble the words,
I know what nothing means and keep on writing.

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